Hello ,Ive made a few posts in the last month and have enjoyed everyones stories.So I thought I had better intro myself.JI,doesnt describe my personality at all as I have never been one to 'rock the boat'thats a skill Im hoping comes with age.I actualy chose that name as afriend of mine was called that, for going to the Elders about another Elders more than fatherly affection for a number of sisters he was 'helping'.
Anyway I am the middle child of three,and mostly grew up in the (truth).My father studied, and came to meetings for years to please my mother.And when he realised nothing pleases her he quit!
My mother says my father was so controling that he caused her to be anorexic.I know better now as she was the one to use religion to control us.
To skip some sordid details,my Dad left when I was 13 after being separated on and off for most of thier marriage.This left us all heartbroken especialy the stories my mum told us of how dad 'treated' her.(which I have now taken to be distorted truths)So my brother grew up very angry and protective and I didnt talk to my dad for 3yrs.
I decided to become the perfectJW,to try and get love and approval from my mother.Thus it was my sister and I who requested to be taught witnessing and my sis also learned sign language to use at meetings and witnessing.
I was baptised at 14 and in all honest intentions toward worshiping jehovah.During this time i suffered from illness we supposed to be glandular fever,this lasted on and off for three years so my school life was hardly worth mention.But that wasnt important anyway as my mother trully believed we wouldnt have use for education anyway in this old system!
Our congregation was a power struggle between elders with'personality differences' as I have seen and heard happens in many congs..
Seems to be a popularity contest to me!
We were severely effected by the rumers, gossip ,and cliques.
And as I associated with witness girls in school this was very hard to get away from ever.Girls can be so cruel and although it was years ago It still hurts.
My mother soon got sick of being the faithful single sister,and had a fling with our Realestate agent!They didnt do the dirty deed ,but a sister saw her out with him and told the Elders.During the investigation Mum started smoking again(she hadnt smoked in 17 yrs)and she was given so many days to stop..which she didnt achieve so she was disfellowshipped.
My sister and I kept going to meetings for a while and then fazed out without even being noticed.Mum went to meetings for a while but they refused to reinstate her until 18mths as she had to be an example to the cong,even though she had stopped smoking.Mum was so disheartened, as this was life and death being decided so she stopped going regularly and found herself a toy boy.
My sister and I did the rebelious teen thing..so mum moved out and left us to it..in her house.We were pretty much looking after ourselves at ages 15 and18.
My mother is once again trying to be reinstated.But the saga of her life continues as she abuses alcohol ,and has a3yr old to deal with.
Iwent back to the meetings two years ago and saw the same things as before within congregations.I also was shunted between people I studdied with and just when they though they had me again I found out about Bethsarim and other things the society kept hidden.I asked the bro I was studying with and he wouldnt even go there as it was appostate!
I also didnt like being told by this bro to keep dragging my man along as he looks like he will follow whatever I do.He was falling asleep at the meetings,and I decided if he hated it that much i wasnt going to MAKE him .Or my daughter.
So im at the point where im starting to wonder if spirituality rests inside yourself or your soul(ask oprah).But that wont solve the problems of the world, and what if something happens to my daughter4 or son8mths?(knocking on wood for luck)
I do wonder if i would need religion then for hope.
Anyone have the answers??
thanks for listening to that load of my mind peoples!!